Monday, July 18, 2011

Today is the Day That Everything Changes

Two days ago we went to see the last Harry Potter movie.  As always the 3D movie gave me a horrible headache, which gave me horrible nausea, which had me kneeling over the toilet at some point between lunch and supper.

This gets kind of gross.......If you're of a queasy nature I suggest you not read any further.....

I had sicked up most of what I had eaten that day and was looking down at the mess thinking, "Jesus, don't I even CHEW!"

Despite the fact that the top of the water was coated in a sheen of oil from the fatty foods I had eaten (the movie theater popcorn probably didn't help much at all) it also looked like I had swallowed most of it whole.

I guess that is why you are encouraged against eating in front of the computer or the television.  Mindless eating.  I had bitten and gulped and payed very little thought towards mastication obviously.

I thought I was eating better, eating less, but the contents of my toilet, which had just been the content of my stomach, wasn't lying to me.

Something has to change, I thought to myself. friend bought me a haircut, because my thick and heavy hair had broken two brushes recently and I was about to shave myself bald in frustration.

I got a cute cut, up to my chin.  I love short haircuts, they are just adorable.

I love it.

I would love it more if it didn't show off just how ROUND my face is.

So I was in front of my mirror brushing my cute new short hair, and hating myself for hating myself in a way that I coudln't even really enjoy these small things in life that should make me happy.

I mean, I love my new haircut (it was a drastic change, they cut off a LOT of hair to get it to my chin) but I hate my face.  Love/hate defines every aspect of my life.

And I started thinking again that some changes need to be made.  Some huge, major, drastic changes need to be made, because I dont want to keep hating everything about my life just because of the body I'm stuck in!

Friday, July 1, 2011

July 1, 2011

Another month in which I made the opposite of progress.

I've gotten all the way back up to 219!

This is just UN ACCEPTABLE!

Setting a super easy goal for myself this month.  I'm aiming to lose 2 pounds a week.  Thats only 8 pounds for the month.  Surely I can do that!